Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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