Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
this will be a night to untag.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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