it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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