from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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