I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
