my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
