No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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