Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
its not stalking. its research.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
