corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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