I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
