would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
