literally had 100 drinks last night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Vodka?
Forever.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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