some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
