booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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