All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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