I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
