Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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