My first STD was from a foam party
my being single is dangerous.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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