from now on my penis is your penis
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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