It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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