you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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