hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
