That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
