i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
