I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
