I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
