therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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