I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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