Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
