Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
