I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
