her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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