You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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