When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
