I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
