Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
