he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
