I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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