his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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