It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
