im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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