I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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