WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i think i have herpe
just one?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
