You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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