TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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