Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
