She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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