We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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