Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
