Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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