foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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