Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
