She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Randomize
